I went to bed at 10 o'clock. I felt sick, full of nervousness and fear. I woke up several times throughout the night, but didn't peek at my phone until sometime after 3. I don't think I actually went back to sleep after that.
I had to be at work early - I had meetings with 4 customers today. All of whom were positively giddy over the election results. I sat in a room with three men while they laughingly discussed how their small children asked "Is she going to jail now?", and how they just hoped they held off on convicting her until after Obama is out of office, so he can't pardon her. It took every ounce of my professionalism and self-restraint to not walk out of the room, or worse.
I listened to yesterday's Moth podcast episode - do you listen to Moth podcasts? You should. This one was a story about a family's voting legacy - one that began with literacy tests. I cried.
I still feel like I need to just let it go and have a good cry. I got myself going this morning by repeatedly reminding myself to not stress over things I cannot control, to focus on the immediate things in my life that I can do something about - like calming G down because she hates these white socks and wanted the pink socks. I remind myself that I voted for them, for the ideas I have about the world I want them to grow up in. I read Facebook and Instagram and most of you are hurting today in the same way I am; you're scared like me; you're worried what this all means.
So, for now, I'm just going to keep on keeping on. I'm going to teach my little girls to treat others as they want to be treated. I'm going to surround them with this amazing village of ours, full of brilliant and compassionate people who aren't scared.
I'm going to try to learn to be less scared, too.
I can't believe how depressed I am over this shit. I feel like someone died.
I hope. I hope. I hope.
It's been nearly a week, and I'm still crying and definitely depressed. This election has affected me like no other. Such a lack of compassion in our fellow Americans. It's distressing.
ReplyDeleteI'm trying so hard to focus on the things I can control. I'm listening to powerful music. I'm reminding myself to BE THE CHANGE YOU WISH TO SEE IN THE WORLD. I'm trying to remember that hurt people hurt people. I'm looking for the helpers.
DeleteI'm so scared. I'm so sad. I'm so glad we're not alone. My Facebook page is full of distressing things, but it's also full of powerful strong women, organizing and activating and doing things to make things happen. My friends are as depressed and distressed as we are, so we are not alone in this. 50% of the voters voted against hate. 50% of the country didn't even bother to vote - so, you know, at least they weren't motivated by hate enough to get out there and make their voices heard. Silver linings. I keep stretching to find them, but they're there.