It's been years since I've looked for a job, but...

I'm going to spend part of my weekend updating my resume and writing a cover letter.  And I'll probably go out and buy a professional suit of some sort.  I may dye my hair blonde.

Monday morning, I'm going to walk into my boss's office in my new professional suit, complete with heels and hose and lipstick, and I'm going to hand him my resume and my cover letter and I'm going to give him all the reasons he should give me this new position that's suddenly become available - the position I've been aiming for for the last 3 years, the one that I never thought would be open so soon, the job that will put me one step closer to being able to realize the financial and career goals I've set for myself.  

Unfortunately, two weeks ago, when I suggested myself for this job, his immediate response was "No".  This resulted in a lot of anger and frustration on my part, which was partly relieved when I sat down with him the next day and explained how offended I was by his dismissal.  He told me, in so many words, that I'm a bad manager, and until I learn to delegate, he can't move me up.  Fuck.  

So I, that very day, gave our assistant a big fat pile of bullshit work that ties me up for hours every morning.  I've been terrified to turn this shit over, because like all bad managers who don't delegate, I assume no one else can do it right and so I keep doing it myself even though it eats up way too much of my time every single day.  And you know what happened?  She got it the very first day.  Go figure.  I've had to correct a few minor things, but she's got it.  And I don't have it hanging over my head anymore.  Hmm.  Maybe there's something to this delegating shit.  When it comes down to it, there's nothing remarkable about the work that I do.  There's just a lot to it, and it's a lot for one person to juggle.  I think I can find a way to make it all happen without me being in the office each day.  

I want this job.  I want it because I already have relationships with my customers.  I know them, they know me.  They trust and respect me, and they think I do a good job for them.  Why shouldn't I be the one to go to them and propose new ways our company can service their needs?  

I've never wanted to sell things.  My dad started his career as a manager for a manufacturing company, and when that company forced him to resign (so they could hire two young guns with degrees for a fraction of his salary), he decided to pursue a career he'd always imagined he'd enjoy - selling cars.  That was 1993.  He's still selling cars, and he's damned good at it.  He's a good listener, and he's honest, and he cares about his reputation and the people who are driving the vehicles he sells.  Because of that, something like 95% of his business comes from repeat customers and referrals.  

Daddy instilled in me that sense of customer service.  I've used it to my great advantage so far, but never imagined it would lead to sales.  I never wanted it to lead to sales.  I've said very clearly I DON'T WANT TO SELL THINGS.  Who wants to spend days on the road, cold-calling on potential customers, having doors slammed in their faces over and over again?  Not me.  

This isn't that, though.  This is (mostly) calling on current customers, people I know and with whom I already have relationships.  There's travel involved, sure, but a night or two a way from home every few weeks won't kill us.  Jimi and I spend every waking non-working moment together, and have only been apart for two nights in the last 5 years - I think we can handle a little time away from each other every now and then.  (Granted, we both slept like shit those two nights, and missed each other like crazy, but still...)  And there will be cold-calling, and plenty of "NO"s, but that's just business, and well, business is just business - it's not personal.  

I need to have more opportunity to grow and show how awesome I can be, and I'm never going to be able to do that in my current position.  I would be fan-fucking-tastic in this job, and I deserve it.  I want it. 

I'm going to go get it.