There was a time in my life where, if I'd had the sort of morning I've had today, I would've walked out of the office and never come back. (Except maybe to pick up my last paycheck.)
I've grown up since then, become an adult. Responsible thoughts like "What about health insurance?" and "But you don't have a week's pay held back - if you leave today, there's no more money coming after your vacation pay" keep me from walking out and completely fucking up my financial peace.
Oh, but in my heart - in my heart I'd love to make a grand exit complete with lots of yelling and "fuck you!"s.
That's not completely true. In my heart, I'd like for people to stop attacking me and treating me like I'm an asshole when I try to come up with solutions to the problems we face. In my heart, I'd like to be able to ask a question and get a straight answer. In my heart, I'd like to be able to discuss complicated situtations like professional adults, rather than listen to yelling or attitude or bitchiness.
I'm losing hope that the things I want are possible. I'm realizing that it is time to drum up a new resume and start to put some feelers out there. I'm realizing that the perks of my job aren't necessarily worth the cost of my sanity.
But I'll be a grown-up about it. I'll do the right thing. Not because it makes me feel better or because it's the right thing to do, but because I can't afford to go out any other way.
hang in there Notie!
ReplyDeleteGood luck! I know I wish some jobs would be created so I can get out of the crap job that I'm in now.
ReplyDeleteI honestly can say I know how you feel. There are times I just want to tell everyone in management at my job to "Fuck off" or "Go to Hell", but like you I need the insurance and there is also the last check, that may or may not get direct deposited into my checking account or even mailed to me. I am currently finding another job to replace the one that I have now. No point in leave my current job without one lined up. If I can find something that I love and not something that I dread waking up to (kinda like having a night on the town,not remembering how you got home and waking up with someone in your bed that you don't know, kinda dread). Hope things get better for you sweety. ((hugs)) from Savannah, GA.
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