I'm so much more than that!

I know it's hard to believe, but most people who end up here at my boring blog, well, they didn't MEAN to.  (I know, I know, it shocked me too.  I mean, any minute now my blog is going to go viral and overnight I'll become the next Dooce or Pioneer Woman.)  But no, most of the traffic landing here, on my little internet island* didn't come here to read the awesome - almost every click is some person Googling info on Loestrin.   You're thinking WTF, aren't you?  I know, me too.  But you see, back in October 2007, a new doctor prescribed that mean, mean birth control pill - by now you've probably deduced that me and Loestrin weren't good friends - I hated it.  And so I blogged about my feelings, as I am wont to do.  And then, for almost 2 years, I forgot that this blog existed - I was living in happynataliejimiland, and I just forgot that I had a blog out there.  (I posted 40 entries in 2007, 2008, and 2009 combined - compare that to 203 entries I posted 2010.)  When I rediscovered this place last July and started really getting into it again, I was stoked to find that one of my entries had somehow accumulated over 90 comments from complete strangers, all of whom were weighing in on my personal bitchfest about a hormonal pill that turned me into a raging sack of crazy.  I've since learned that the Loestrin post shows up on the second page of links when you Google "Loestrin FE".  WTF?  How did that happen?

At first I was all "Oh, that's cool!  More traffic is good traffic, and maybe they'll click on the banner up there and read what's up with me today when they see that shit is over 3 years old."  Not so much.  Something like 96% of my traffic bounces after a quick 30-second perusal, and ordinarily, I'd be really hurt by that and sad and shit, but when I look at the keywords that are leading people here:

loestrin 24 reviews

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loestrin 24 fe reviews

lo loestrin fe birth control making me boated and my skin is breaking out

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my blog is boring

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can you take loestrin for perimenopause

does loestrin 24 fe cause acne

I get why they're not sticking around.  I mean, if I was just starting out on that shit and needed some more info, I wouldn't be all "Oh, this chick hated this stuff 3 years ago - I wonder what she's up to these days?  I can put off learning more about my mood swings and why I've had three periods this month - right now I'm going to see if this stranger from Kentucky had anything good for dinner last night."

How do I make that stop, though?  How do I get traffic that wants to drive on my road?  I've considered deleting the damned problem-causing post, but again, I go back to "all traffic is good traffic", and so that seems like it's not the best answer.

I fail at blogging.  I don't know what in the hell I'm doing.  I write this because it feels good to write, to stretch my words and my fingers and my brain, but I don't want it to be JUST for me.  I want you to want to read it, and then comment on it, so I can know you're out there so I can go read what you've got to say.  I want my dang analytics to be able to give me helpful feedback about what I'm writing, but so long as that effing birth control rant is hanging around, all the data is skewed.

Apparently, there's some stigma in the blogging world about having ads on your site or admitting to trying to gain followers, but I don't get that and I think it's lame.  I'm guessing that at least half of all bloggers do it because they secretly hope someone one day will read their shit and be all "OMG you're awesome and I want  to pay you money to write things".  I want someone to pay me money to write things.  And I'm also guessing that 95% of all bloggers get a little rush when they see that someone has left a comment for them - and that's before they even know what the comment says.  We do it for ourselves, for our children (real or imaginary), but we also do it because we want to share part of ourselves with the rest of the world - because we want others to know what we've gone through and to tell us where they've been.  But I think it's crazy to act like we're not all hoping that someone will find our story, or our way of telling it, and be all "You're awesome and I want to give you some money".  Or maybe it really is just me.

So yeah, I want to make sure that people who like to read blogs about ridiculous things and boring things and life in general can find my blog.  And I don't know how to make that happen.  But I know that a 3-year-old entry about a bad anti-pregnancy medication isn't the way to go about it.

Google sent me a card a while back for $100 of free advertising with AdWords.  (Conversely, the card they mailed?  It reads at the bottom:  PS:  This card was printed on 100% recycled paper embedded with wildflower seeds.  Plant it in a sunny spot with a thin layer of soil, add water, and watch it grow - while you watch your business grow with AdWords.  How awesome is that?)   I don't know where to start, though.  I feel like I need someone to hold my hand.  How does one go about finding someone to teach them how to do this sort of thing?  I wish I could be real-life friends with Heather or Allison O. or Monica or Katie or Natalie - then I could just call them up and be all "Um, I need some help...can you help me?" and they'd be all "Of course!  Come on over and bring your laptop."  (Not that I think I'm anywhere close to being on their level or anything - but you get what I'm saying, right?  Maybe a little?)

So I guess I need to figure out this AdWords thing - they've probably got a Help section that will teach me what I need to know.  And I need to figure out what to do about that Loestrin post.  (I admit, when I was pregnant for a week and had the baby ticker thing up in the corner, I got a kick out of imagining what people who found that entry must've been thinking - "Hmm, looks like it didn't work for her!" etc.)  (Oh, and I'm intentionally not linking that effing post - it gets plenty of traffic on its own.)

*Typing "internet island" reminded me:  Last night we went to eat with Karen and Gary, and one of Gary's roommates and his girlfriend.  The roommate told a story about his mom, who really likes pens - ink pens, of all shapes and sizes and designs and colors.  He, the roommate, suggested to his mom that all of her pen-loving needs could be fulfilled online - told her to look up Pen Island dot com.  Think about it for a minute.  It'll come to you.  Got it?  Dude.  He did that to his mom!  His MOM!  That's a little jacked up.

Happy Sunday, Friends!  And if you have any suggestions or if you happen to be fluent in AdWords, hook a sister up, would ya?  Love and skittles and rainbows and kittens and kisses!