The boring blog meets the doldrums.

I'm not sure what happened.  For months there, I was a blogging fool, telling you every (almost) sordid detail of my mundane, boring day-to-day life.  And now?  I've not posted anything worth reading in weeks.  My bad.

I think part of what took the wind out of my sails is knowing I've been snubbed by Blogher.  Not that I can blame, them of course, but I really wanted them to like me and let me be one of them.  It's been so much longer than 45 days since I submitted that application, though, so maybe in six months I can try again.  Maybe in six months I'll have completely lost interest in blogging.  Probably not, but I don't do so well with rejection, even if it comes in the form of no response at all.

So yeah, that's a bummer, and makes me do some reflection on my little slice of the internet here.  I say this is for me, and it is, really, but I also want you to like it and want to read it, and when I look at the crap I've been putting out there, well, I can try harder, let's just put it that way.  I read dozens and dozens of blogs, and some of the writers seem to put so much more into their words; in comparison, I feel like I'm all surface and they're all depth.  I could change that.  I could.  I could try harder.  I don't try hard at a lot of things; I think maybe this thing means enough to me that I probably should try hard at this.

I said once that I think you have to live a good life in order to give good blog, and maybe my shitty writing here lately is a reflection of the life I'm living.  I don't do much; I go to work, I come home.  Rarely, I'll venture out to spend 2 or 3 hours with a friend or family member, but I'm always watching the clock, counting the minutes until I can make a not-rude exit and get back to my house.  What, you ask, do I do at home that's so fascinating and enthralling and consuming?  Nothing.  I sit here, read the internet, watch the ignorance that passes for television programming, eat, pet the dog, tell Jimi I love him.  That's pretty much it; so exciting.

I started walking/jogging/running at least 20 minutes a day almost 3 weeks ago, and for the most part, I've stuck to it remarkably well.  But you don't want to hear a rehash of that shit.  This isn't a weight-loss blog.  And really "I walked/jogged/ran for 20 minutes tonight" is really all there would be to say about that.  Same with the other major lifestyle change I've made this year - I'm still not smoking.  YAY ME!  Sure, I've cheated (the entirety of last week was pretty much a shameful weak moment; the time I told you about, then again the night before Kim's birthday when we went out, and then Jimi and I split a smoke on our way home Saturday night), but I've not bought a pack of smokes this year.  I'm still counting myself as a non-smoker.  I'm going to beat this monkey to fucking death.  But again - how many times can I say "Still not smoking!"?  Boor-ring!

Can we talk for a moment about the word "fuck"?  I like it, a lot; you've probably noticed.  I've been told it's tacky, or that it debases my words.  I don't worry about that so much; I do worry that it offends.  I don't mean to offend - sometimes, I just feel a particular thought needs a good strong "fuck" to fully illustrate the point I'm trying to make.  I've tried to switch to Eff or f-bomb, but it doesn't always do the job I'm needing done.  This is a battle I fight in real life, too, so please don't feel like I'm saving them all up for my writings.

Anyhow, so I'm either going to have to find a theme or some writing exercises to get my juices flowing, or I'm going to have to get out of my comfort zone and do some stuff I don't usually do.  I should probably do both, and not for the blog, but for me, for my sanity and health and social well-being.  I'm going to find a Zumba or Yoga class.  And then I'm going to attack that volunteering thing I talked about a month ago and haven't done anything about just yet.  And I've been more social - I was out 3 times last week, as a matter of fact.  Combined, that should give me something to say - deepen that creative pool, so to speak.

So bear with me, bloggy-friends, I'll get my shit together and get to giving good blog again soon enough.  The sun is out - that makes me feel more inspired already.