I watch too much TV.

How many TVs do you have in your house?  Some chick on Judge Judy earlier was listing the number of TVs in her home; after having one repossessed by an ex-boyfriend, she was left with 4.  One in her bedroom, and one in the bedrooms of each of her 3 children, who ranged in age from 5 to 9.  I wonder if the kids had cell phones, too?

We have 3, but I only count the one.  We only watch one; we've converted our front bedroom into what I imagine serves as the "living room" in most homes.  Our actual living room is more of what I like to call a "library", a sitting/hanging-out/entertaining/reading sort of room, and there's no room for a TV.  The front bedroom is cozy and comfortable with our big red Jaxx Sac, my "Momma's Chair", a houseplant, an over-the-closet shoe rack, and Jimi's bigass TV over in the corner.   This is where we hang out - watching bullshit on Netflix and TLC and The Food Network and The History Channel (which, btw, doesn't actually show anything about history anymore and will get Jimi's brother super pissed off if you start referring to it as educational programming).  This is where I'm always glued to the interwebs or Sims 3, while keeping one eye on the idiotbox.

Jimi's bigass TV is the only TV in our house that we actually watch.  It's the only one that's ever turned on.  It's the only one that's plugged in.  TVs #1 and #2 have been retired until further notice.

TV #1 was Jimi's before we joined households and now lives upstairs in the Rooms Never Traveled.  There's nothing wrong with the upstairs; we originally intended that space to be our hang-out area, once upon a time, in a land far, far away, when we thought we might actually invite people over to our new home to hang out and be social and shit.  Yeah.  Right.  So we instead have spent the last 12 months nesting in our happy little "living room" and "library" and pretty much ignoring the upstairs until our friend moved in at the end of summer.  Even then, the poor TV #1 never got used - there was apparently an issue with the cable hookup of some sort, and so poor Roomy had to resort to the interwebs and hanging with us in the downstairs.  I'm sorry, Jen.  I hope you didn't miss too many episodes of your favorite shows.

TV #2, which was a gift to my ex-husband and I our first Christmas as husband and wife from my loving and generous parents, now lives in the closet of our "living room".  It's been there since Jimi came home with his bigass TV back in January or so.  It lives in the closet because there's no room for it in and it would ruin the feel of the "library".  That's the polite reason, at least.

It lives in the closet because I'm a bitch.  It's true about the space and the feel of the library, but that's only a half-truth regarding the fate of TV #2.  It lives in the closet because I refuse, refuse, REFUSE, to have a television in my bedroom.

I know.  Fucked up, right?

But seriously.  When I was still technically a newlywed (after only a year and a half) and attending marriage counseling because my dear, sweet, till-death-do-us-part-promising husband didn't want to be married anymore, our counselor was very adamant that the bedroom was an area designated for sex and sleep ONLY.  No TV, no Reading, no Internet (though this was years before I owned a laptop).  Something about the bedroom being an intimate place and a sanctuary and not inviting in the outside world.  Plus, she said, your body gets confused.  If you're watching The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and someone's being a particularly huge megacunt and you get sooo pissed off and then it's over and you turn off the lights and you lay there and....and, well, I don't know what you're doing, but I'll bet you a dollar you're not falling right to sleep.  If your bedroom is a place of peace and quiet (except when you're making the noise, IYKWIMAITYD), of darkness and tranquility when you're ready to put your arduous day behind you, after a while your body will understand what it's supposed to do when you go there, and you'll fall asleep faster and sleep more soundly.

I know it sounds crazy, but it works.  And it's a hallowed rule in my home.  No TV in the Bedroom.  And so TV #2 lives in the closet.  And so we are a one TV home.  And we still watch way too much of it.  It's an ingrained part of our lives; it's what we do.  (That time I meant "we" as a culture, not just "we" as in me and Jimi, though, of course, it applies either way.)

How many TVs do you have in your home?  What's the TV:People ratio?  Do you have a TV in your bedroom?  Do your kids?



P.S.  Jimi wants me to be sure to warn you about the vicious attack dogs, the laser-shooting motion sensors, and the fat naked man with an erection holding a Russian rifle that will all be on a mission to fucking kill you if you try to break in to steal his bigass TV.  Or TVs #1 and 2.  Consider yourself warned.