Grr.

Work has got me all worked up.

i fucked up big this month. Twice. And both came to light on the same day, and both were discovered by someone else, and both are now known to the entire nationwide company. YAY! When i fuck up, I fuck up BIG.

So now my boss wants me to set some goals for 2010. He's wanting me to revise my processes and procedures to make sure this never happens again.

I get that he's doing his job. I do. I really, really do. And that's fine.

What pisses me off is that I don't understand why he's now deciding to do it? Our salesman hasn't sold anything in years. He doesn't manage the accounts he has sold. I pick up his slack daily. Where's his lecture on needing to focus and pay attention? And don't even get me started on the plant...

My attention is never focused. It can't be. As I'm entering invoices, the phone is ringing, i've got 3 drivers in my office, a customer at the window, and emails flowing in, all of which must be addressed RIGHT THIS MINUTE. I try to do a good job, because i hate fucking up more than just about anything else in the world. And most of the time, i manage to juggle all the insanity that is my job and do it well. But when you've got this much being thrown at you every minute of every day, something is going to fall through the cracks. I'm going to mis-key an invoice and overcharge a customer by 120,000 bucks. No, I didn't catch it. (Not to pass off blame, but no one else did, either.) I'm going to open an email and forget to print it out before I move onto the next, causing me to miss an order. Or maybe I got a phone call just as I clicked on the message and didn't notice that I'd moved on. Or maybe I printed it out and it somehow got lost in the never-ending shuffle that is my desk and never got entered. I don't know how it happened.

Maybe I'm just not cut out for this job. Maybe there's just too much to it. It's been 2 years and I still feel like I'm just barely treading water most days. There's not time to catch up, much less get ahead.

I don't know what to do. I just know I hate my job today.